Twenty Days Without You

It has been 20 days since we said a tearful goodbye to our sweet, sweet Kia. The pain comes in waves and some days it is all I can do to keep my head above water.

I wrote this one night as I watched Kia in her little corner of the kitchen that had become her world. I had returned from a five day trip the day before and was saddened by seeing her decline. 

April 19, 2018  (She lived 19 more days.)

I watch you tonight - as I have all day. Dozing. Standing. And when you move you lose your balance. 

I don’t think you know where you are. I don’t think you know what to do.  I think you react - out of instinct.  But you don’t know why.

You are still beautiful. You are still loving. 

You want to drink water but don’t seem to know how. 

You are slipping away from me and it hurts.  My beautiful girl. I know that saving you at 12 years old was a blessing for you - but most of all a blessing for me. I know the time is drawing nigh. I’m just having a hard time pushing the button.

But I don’t think you are happy here now. I think you are confused.  I think you are hurting in some way.

Think of the five things that make your cat, your cat.  When three of those things are gone, it’s time.

1.  Kia is affectionate - she likes to be on my lap or next to my pillow at night.  She likes to be in the studio with me.

2. She’s independent when it comes to the other animals.  She likes her space and doesn’t interact with them much.

3. She’s beautiful and takes care of her beauty.

4. She eats well and uses her litter box

5. She really, really loves me.

Right now she’s at 0 of 5.  

In retrospect – I think she really loved me to the very end. So 1 out of 5. She left this world purring and surrounded by so much love.

The Beatles said, "Love is all you need." If love was all Kia needed to survive she would still be snuggling in my arms, happy and thriving.

 Sadly it is not. Health is what you need.

Monte, We Barely Knew Ye

Yesterday I returned to my volunteer work at the shelter and fell in love. I mean, I usually fall in strong like with at least one cat each time, but I fell in love with 12 year old Monte.

He was so sweet and loving. He liked to be pet and even played a little. But mostly he just liked human contact. He was one of those cats who would sit next to you and gently raise his paw to pat your arm "Pet me, please."

After saying farewell, the memory of him stayed with me all day. So much so that I began seriously thinking about adopting him. We had such success with our 12 year old Kia (also an Aurora Animal Shelter alumnus) and a slow introduction to our dogs, I knew we could do it again. 

I began campaigning for Monte to my husband. It took a little convincing but after showing him a video of Monte and several photos he consented. I was over the moon with happiness.

This morning we were about to leave for the shelter when I thought I would call first to be sure Monte was indeed available for adoption; his paperwork didn't really indicate that he was.

It was a good thing I called first so my tears could be shed in private and not in the lobby of the shelter. I learned that Monte was suffering with severe diabetes so advanced he had to be euthanized. 

I am heartbroken because I already felt he was mine. I understand he was a very sick kitty and nothing more could be done for him. He was in pain although he didn't show it. Losing him was the most heart-wrenching experience I have had as a volunteer. I went into this volunteer work knowing that some days would be difficult but this is the first time I have felt it so personally. This type of work is not for the faint of heart...

I am happy that my friend and I could give him some happy last moments and show him love. But the tears are still here.

I thank you, Monte, for showing me that I have room in my heart for another cat. I didn't think I was up to another slow introduction to my dogs and Kia but you showed me I could do it. I am ready to do it. And although you never lived in our house you will live in my heart for all time. You were mine for an hour...

I will never forget your gentle manner and your little paw tapping my arm, "Love me - if only for the moment."