Twenty Days Without You

It has been 20 days since we said a tearful goodbye to our sweet, sweet Kia. The pain comes in waves and some days it is all I can do to keep my head above water.

I wrote this one night as I watched Kia in her little corner of the kitchen that had become her world. I had returned from a five day trip the day before and was saddened by seeing her decline. 

April 19, 2018  (She lived 19 more days.)

I watch you tonight - as I have all day. Dozing. Standing. And when you move you lose your balance. 

I don’t think you know where you are. I don’t think you know what to do.  I think you react - out of instinct.  But you don’t know why.

You are still beautiful. You are still loving. 

You want to drink water but don’t seem to know how. 

You are slipping away from me and it hurts.  My beautiful girl. I know that saving you at 12 years old was a blessing for you - but most of all a blessing for me. I know the time is drawing nigh. I’m just having a hard time pushing the button.

But I don’t think you are happy here now. I think you are confused.  I think you are hurting in some way.

Think of the five things that make your cat, your cat.  When three of those things are gone, it’s time.

1.  Kia is affectionate - she likes to be on my lap or next to my pillow at night.  She likes to be in the studio with me.

2. She’s independent when it comes to the other animals.  She likes her space and doesn’t interact with them much.

3. She’s beautiful and takes care of her beauty.

4. She eats well and uses her litter box

5. She really, really loves me.

Right now she’s at 0 of 5.  

In retrospect – I think she really loved me to the very end. So 1 out of 5. She left this world purring and surrounded by so much love.

The Beatles said, "Love is all you need." If love was all Kia needed to survive she would still be snuggling in my arms, happy and thriving.

 Sadly it is not. Health is what you need.